Yesterday on my way home from work there was a huge backup on Staring Lane so I decided to take Kenilworth. This is normally a nice peaceful drive, but yesterday was the opening of the ballon festival. More traffic.
Sitting there got me thinking about last year at this time. It was my 1st day as a teacher and one of the most stressful times of my life. The first day was terrible-we were supposed to read the student handbook to each class "word for word." I thought that meant to read the handbook to each class word for word. Silly me, this just started me off on the wrong foot. I knew trying to read this legal speak to these kids would be a disaster, but i did it anyway.
All i could think everyday the whole time i was teaching was"what do i do tomorrow." I've never worked so hard in my life-never tried to prepare so much for anything-and it all felt like for nothing:( And all that work and prep and every single day i still felt like i had no idea what i was doing or how to get through to these kids.
After that 1st day all i could do was think, "what have i gotten myself into." We went to the balloon festival and to little tokyo for dinner, but i was miserable. Couldn't eat, could barely breathe. This went on for a few weeks then i kinda chilled out, but was still horrible. I had to take tylenol pm to go to sleep at night:(
Now i'm back in the comfort of audit, although it's completely different than any audit i've ever done. But i'm in a cube, at a computer, and can go to the bathroom without worrying about a mutiny. Life feels so much better now, but i still think about teaching. A lot. I still wonder if i picked the wrong grade (well, i know i did), wrong subject, wrong school. I hate that i gave up so soon-that i didn't even give it enough of a chance. Maybe one day i'll try again, but for now, i'm right where i should be.
What were you doing one year ago?
2 comments:
Awe, my heart hurt just reading that. I give you credit for even trying guess theres more to being a teacher than anyone can really imagine. Somehow when I was in school the teachers just made it look so easier. Anyway, last year at this time I was the one staying home not working for the 1st time in my life, and it sucked cause everyone around was finally working. I was left on my own with no one to hang with. Guess I picked the wrong time to take a year off.
As a former teacher myself, I completely understand your turmoil. When my husband got a job in SC after my first three years of teaching in NC (Raleigh area) I was a little relieved. I was pregnant with my oldest at the time, and the plan was that I would take a year off. It's now five years later, and I am not sure if I'll ever go back. I was so stressed all of the time. I hated getting up in the mornings! I dreaded work! And Jen and I took lots of "mental health" days. Life is much happier when you aren't miserable all of the time because of work! You're doing the right thing!
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