The Best Part So Far

You all know the problems i've had with breastfeeding. It's been very discouraging. I guess the bright side is that every little victory seems big. Anyway, i know i've mostly been complaining, but it's for good reason. My loyal readers know that i tell the truth, even when it's not pretty. Unfortunately i've toned it down a bit after finding out how many people actually read :) But, i still tell it like it is, but without being quite so graphic.

So, the truth is, i didn't have that "love at first sight" feeling in the hospital. Hell, i didn't have it ever. Like any new love, it's taken time to get to know each other to fall completely. In the hospital and in those first few days (weeks), the only thing i felt was fear. Fear about everything-keeping this baby alive, having this baby forever, my life changing, etc. Mostly the keeping the baby alive part. I finally started to feel better when i felt like a mom...like i could comfort her. In those first few days, this was steven's forte. Again, i was too scared and nervous and lived those days just waiting for the next feeding.

But the love has been growing everyday and when she started smiling and interacting it was the nail in the coffin. Now i'm completely head over heels. The best way to describe it was like some movie said, "It's like having your heart walking around outside your body."

So, as Babs requested, the Best part so far. And good timing, too...right in the middle of another bfing issue-an infection that makes nursing hurt like hell. Again:(

But there are plenty good things.

Some, like being back to my pre-preg weight, have little or nothing to do with baby:) (I'll accept the jealousy and hatred-things aren't exactly in the same place as before, but at least i don't have to buy new pants. Shirts, now that's a different story.)

Here's some more:

-All the comments i get for having a pretty baby (see previous post!). If she wasn't cute people just wouldn't comment. Or they'd say something like, "Isn't she something" :) So i know it's not just my "mommy vision."

-Watching Gracie sleep peacefully. Even better, when she sleeps on my chest (or on my belly).

She did this on her own by the way-scooted herself down:)

-Even though it hurts right now, there is a satisfaction in seeing her nurse. I guess it's a good feeling knowing i can provide all the nourishment she needs.

-I love it when she stretches! Sometimes she scrunches up her legs; i call her my frog-butt baby.

Hopefully i'll get a pic of this soon (you can kind of see it in the pic above).

-Seeing daddy play (or sleep) with her is awesome.

-Seeing her smile and coo. the smiles started at about 6 weeks and boy has that changed so much! She's no longer this little blob that just sucks the life out of me:) This is THE BEST!