Breastfeeding cont.

(Again, some of this i'm sure will be out of order or just plain wrong since i waited so long to write this, but you'll get the gist.)


It seemed to be getting better those first few days home. My milk came in. Latching still hurt like a bitch and my nipple still had that "lipstick" look that it wasn't supposed to have, but we were getting the hang of it. Steven was (is) daddy extraordinaire...waking up with me every time-changing gracie's diaper and just trying his best to stay awake and encourage me. He'd talk me through the tears to make sure i knew how good it was for baby and how much he appreciated all i was doing. When he figured out that she didn't really need to eat every 2 hours i was way less stressed. If she was still sleeping i'd let her. He really is the brains of this operation. I can't say it enough that there's no way i could do this without him.


**Hats off to you single mothers...especially you young ones. I don't know how you do it.


Then...Saturday came. The Bama game. My 1st day home alone. I was so engorged gracie couldn't latch on at all:( I didn't know what to do so i fed her a bottle (all the while getting more engorged) from some milk i had pumped. More tears. More sadness/frustration because i was adding to the nipple confusion-thinking that she'd never successfully nurse. I called the lactation line and was told to use cold compresses on my boobs and try reverse pressure softening which was very discouraging. It's way too complicated to do alone. The cold compress did nothing and at this point Gracie wasn't sleeping well because of stomach issues (which we didn't know about at the time). It was a horrible day. I was so ready for Steven (and Ally and Clyde or anyone!) to get home. I just needed help and support. Of course Steven was drunk and pissed about the loss and NO HELP:(


THANK GOD Ally was there that night. I tell her and everyone else who will listen-ALLYSON IS THE REASON I'M STILL BREASTFEEDING TODAY. She suggested pumping both sides dry to kind of "start over" to help with the latch. It worked. And she woke up with me for every feeding that night to make sure i didn't need help, water, company or whatever. I can't tell you how hard this weekend was...we got through the night but still had problems so i called lactation again. This woman was more helpful-suggested 3 or 4 different things. I started wearing the breastshields for 30 minutes before feedings and taking ibuprofen regularly. This got us through til the engorgement ended. We looked for nipple shields which is like a plastic piece to go over the nipple that helps baby latch, but didn't find them. I'm actually glad for that because i'm already dependent on my boppy for feeding-don't need something else.

After the engorgement i had a few good, pain free days. I thought things were going to be smooth from then on. Then i got a self-diagnosed infection (mastitis i think it's called). Now, i might not have really had this, but damn it was bad. The latch was ok, but now when gracie ate it felt like she was sucking shards of glass through my nipple:( Horrible. This still happens off and on. I can't figure out if it's a certain position or time of day, etc. The strangest thing is that i've actually gotten up the confidence to nurse in some public places and it's been easy! Really easy. Last weekend, for example, i nursed at a restaurant. We had a great table hidden away. I didn't have my boppy or anything, but nursing there was easy.

I guess it will never be easy. But it's so much better. So good that i'll continue as long as i can. My lofty goal is 6 months, but i say if i make it past 3 i'm doing good. Next month i'm going back to work. This might make it easier because it'll be less time at the breast and more time pumping (i.e. less pain), OR harder because of the inconvenience of pumping at work. I definitely do NOT think breastfeeding is easier than bottle feeding like "they" say. Especially if you like to rat the streets and don't feel comfortable nursing in public.

The funniest reason for my continuing to breastfeed is something i've never heard before...breastmilk tastes better than formula:) I love food and so i don't want to shortchange gracie...breastmilk is sweet and delicious. No i havn't drank it, but i have tasted it:) To be fair, i guess i need to taste some formula, too instead of relying on others' opinions.