The Worst Part So Far

Breastfeeding... Hands down :(

At least i waited 6 weeks to write this post; now it won't sound as bad. Although, i really should have captured my feelings in the moment.


It started just a few minutes after her birth. I wanted to try to feed her right away. "They" say that this helps start it off right-babies learn quicker or something. (They are bfing books, experts, lactation people, etc...) The nurse in the delivery room was NOT very helpful. Part of the problem was that she was not a lactation consultant and she was impatient. I'm already impatient, and this is my baby, 1st baby, so i'm already freaked. Well, she was trying to help Gracie get latched on and she couldn't :( It's like my nipples had performance anxiety. They are normal as far as i know-no problem with flat or inverted nipples-but this day they would not cooperate. And Gracie could suck like a champ, but didn't open up wide enough to get the whole thing in there, so when she did latch on it hurt like hell.


They got her cleaned up and tested and we moved out of l&d to our room where i tried again (i think...man, i shouldn't have waited so long...i'm forgetting already). Another nurse tried to help (again, not a lactation specialist) but she wouldn't latch on. This nurse made it seem like i needed to feed her right away (i.e. give her formula). "They" also say that you shouldn't give baby formula if you are trying to breastfeed-it can cause nipple confusion and the formula comes out faster so they can get mad (impatient) at the breast and not take it. That they don't need food right after birth; they can go without. After all, if they do nurse they might not get anything or just a little colostrum. But Gracie seemed to be starving and i couldn't have that. So we gave her a bottle at the hospital. I was disappointed, but i couldn't listen to that cry. She was immediately happy and slept so good. I was still getting her up every 2 hours or so to try to nurse.


A lactation consultant came in later in the morning on Saturday to help. This was another ordeal. This time Gracie would latch but it hurt so bad. The lc said to count to 5 and if it didn't stop then try to relatch. All this latching and relatching probably made the pain worse. In hindsight i wish i would have just kept her on through the pain. (My pediatrician later asked me about the lc, "Has she ever breastfed? It felt like someone was slicing off my nipple with a razor blade.") I was so discouraged because it wasn't supposed to hurt so i assumed we were doing it all wrong. That lc also told me that the latch was wrong if my nipple came out of her mouth flat on one side. Of course it did-everytime:( This lc also seemed to have all kinds of rules for bfing which made the whole process much harder. As a side note-when i was pregnant bfing was my main worry...i knew it would be hard, but i never imagined how. I also worried about losing my boobs. With the pain and the way my nipples were coming out after nursing i was thinking if i kept this up they'd be permanently disfigured :( I secretly hoped that it wouldn't work out-that we would never figure out the latch and i wouldn't have to nurse. I could just pump and feed her from a bottle.


We gave her another bottle saturday night in addition to whatever colostrum she may have gotten from me. On sunday i was visited by another lc. She was much better. She reviewed the holds and latching and told me not to worry about having so many rules-just keep practicing and try to find what's most comfortable for us both. This woman gave me a little more hope. I also missed out on Ally's help while i was in the hospital...she was sick :(

To be continued...