Life is going to change

I was way too excited about my ultrasounds Tuesday to start this entry. If you could have heard my thoughts on the way to the Dr, you would have thought I was insane. I was a complete ass, actually. It all started the night before when steven asked me if he had enough life insurance. –By the way this is NOT a steven bashing session, so don’t go there- Anyway, he was talking about riding a motorcycle to vegas next year. This sounds extrememly uncomfortable to me, but I’m not the kinda wife who tells him No-mainly because I don’t want anyone telling me No. I don’t care if he goes. I do care, though, if he dies! Now more than ever.

"Who the hell is going to raise this child? This child that he wants way more than I do. I can’t do this by myself."

Yes, those were my horrid thoughts. Of course, I’m sure I want the baby as much as he does (seeing him Tues. confirmed that), but I believe that he will be the better parent. Especially if how he is with everyone else’s kids are any indication. I still believe that. It’s funny-I think I’m the “man” in this relationship. After I realized that he probably won’t die, then reality started sinking in. Life is going to change. Dramatically! For example, now, if I want to go somewhere, I tell him (sometimes), and I go. Post-baby, I’ll have to ASK (and get agreement). Wow. I guess the silver lining here is that I thought a baby would improve/strengthen our relationship, and (if I do what I’m supposed to do) I think it will. It’s also good that I realize I’m already trying to dump the entire child rearing on him now, so I have time to change my tune.
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I’m trying to wean myself of off the zofran (nausea medicine). I got through this morning’s brushing unscathed, only to start gagging in the shower. I was still victorious. I get to work and almost immediately start feeling oogey. I had to take it. Maybe tomorrow I can make it until 10am.
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Today I signed up for some healthy pregnancy program through my insurance. They send free information and have a 24-hr maternal nurse hotline you can call up to 6 weeks after the baby is born. This might be better than bugging my Dr with all of my “little” questions.