My Dr just broke my heart

My appt was just fine. No u/s this time, just doppler over the belly. The heart rate was down considerably from Friday-156. Probably because Friday it was under so much stress.

Anyway, before i started asking my question list she asks if i've decided who i'll go to for delivery.

WHAAAA?!?

She says, "Oh, i didn't tell you? Probably because of everything going on...after June i won't be delivering babies anymore." She goes on to tell me it's because she's getting to old for the all nighters and then working the next day and starts listing all the other great people in the practice.

It takes everything i had not to burst into tears. But i didn't. I had a list of questions to get through.
-My growing belly should not affect my incision
-My surgery does not make me high-risk and doesn't not give me a higher chance for a c-section. Actually, after my next appt in 2 weeks, i'll be treated like any other prego.
-Between 20 & 28 weeks i can travel a few hours away...she even said, "if you want to go to the beach, that's fine." She read my mind.
-I can definitely go to work if i'm up to it.

I'm on the way to check out and here come the tears. I stop them. Waiting for the elevator they show again. This time it's harder to stop them. Steven called and i couldn't even answer because i knew i'd be a blubbering idiot if i tried to talk about it.

I am well aware that my baby is fine and so am i and that's what i need to focus on. I know that (especially for me) things could be so much worse, but this hurts. I know that she was part of a practice, so even if she was still delivering she might not be there for my day, but now it's for sure. I've been with her for 9 years. She's seen my insides twice. How am i just supposed to pick another Dr? It's not like picking a dentist or eye dr...this is personal.

Here's to another big FU to infertility...if i'd had gotten pregnant sooner...ah, nevermind, dwelling won't help anything.

I should have gotten a dog.