Adventures in Babysitting

Or...WHY I AM UNFIT TO BE A PARENT

I watched julia (almost 5) and natalie (almost 18 months) on wednesday and natalie on friday.

Here's a list especially made for LaBarbara:
1. I'm lazy. I was perfectly content with letting julia watch tv all day just so she wouldnt' bother me. Who cares about rotten brains...that's why she goes to school.

2. I'm dumb. I let julia and natalie have ice cream at 10:30am and see #2 above. I had to take them outside. It wasn't so bad although there are 17+ acres...there's a golf cart and BOTH kids like to ride it:)

3. I should make an I'm dumb subheading, but i want a #3(it's my favorite #):
-Friday i didnt' make natty nap early enough...right when i was putting her down we were called to go to lunch. She made it through lunch but fell asleep about 5 minutes from home. I had to leave to go to my Dr appt. in about 30 minutes, so i left her in the car to sleep. Yes, i locked the doors and pretty much stayed in the kitchen (looking out the window) to make sure she was ok. This was my only house-cleaning time. It was perfect. AND i didnt' have to put her back in the carseat when i left:)
-She wakes up right when i pull into Women's clinic. I'm going for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork to make sure everything is ok so i can start Clomid again. I walk in wondering how the hell i'm going to do this with a baby. She loves the chairs in waiting room #1. She finds a toy motorcycle in waiting room #2. Hooray! Things are going well. They call me to lab...a big sign reads "NO CHILDREN IN LAB." I quickly apologize and the nurse says someone will hold her. I smile and nod thinking, "No way will she let that happen."
*Sidenote: One of the reasons i love watching natty alone...she likes me:) The pecking order is Mom, Dad, Steven, then me. Maybe this could be reason #4. Kids dont' like me. So weird because they used to...maybe it's because of reason #1. Another reason i like watching her is a blessing and a curse. People assume she's mine. The ultrasound tech Michelle told me that she even looks like me. She assumed that she was at least related. Sometimes I dont' correct people just because it's easier.

Ok...back to the lab. The lab order isn't in so natty gets a little antsy while we wait because she can't be free. She's watching 3 other kids run up and down the hall. Jealous. She sits nice and still and quiet on my lap while my blood is drawn. I think she was interested and trying to figure out just what the hell was going on. The nurse tells her i got a "bo bo" but i didnt' like that. It wasn't true. Weird. I don't want to lie to an 18 month old. At least about this.

Next is the ultrasound. I quickly apologize to Michelle and she says, "No problem. She can just walk around the room." I think "No, she loves pressing buttons." I remove my bottoms. I love how they call them bottoms...guess it sounds better than , "Ok, take off your pants." Michelle comes in while natty is turning on and off the who-ha light. I hop up on the table. Michelle keeps talking to natty. At one point i ask what she is doing. She looks and whispers, "Just watching." Mind you she is at my feet...
Michelle adjusts the sheet to make sure i'm covered. What an exciting day! I'm telling Steven the story in the car and he reminds me that this is the 18 month old monkey who mimics EVERYTHING and it's my fault if one day she comes out of the bathroom with something in her who-ha! I lost it:)

I guess it wasn't too bad an experience. Depends on the conservativeness of the parents.

Other reasons not baby-sitting related follow:
5. I'm immature. But not the good act-like-a-kid kind. The perverted kind. Kid toys that vibrate make me giggle. When someone gets a swing at a baby shower i can't help but think of a sex swing (no, i, unfortunately, do not own one). And when i see BFing (aka breastfeeding) on a message board i immediately think butt f****ink. I can't help it. I've never breast-fed before. Aw crap...i've never done that either, but at this point it's more likely than breastfeeding:)

6. I'm infertile. But i won't be for long. I just put this in for dramatic effect and to say that most women are infertile 98% of their lives right? But don't worry...im not the bitter infertile yet. If you are my friend or family i will not be mad if you are preggo...so it's ok to tell me. I'll warn you, though, if you are a teenager, single, and/or on drugs, proceed with caution. And use birth control dammit! You are the most likely to get pregnant.

Now were off to the BCS Championship game and to NO for a minivacation! GEAUX TIGERS!!!